What are the questions should I ask during a first date?
65Getting the most out of your dating experience
Whether your buddies have set you up on a blind date, or Fate has stepped in and provided the opportunity, a first date can be exciting, full of promise, and a little scary. You're meeting with a person you don't know. For the relationship to go any further, there needs to be some common ground. Here are some appropriate questions to ask on a first date.
1) What do they do for a job? This should give some indication that their standard of living is comparable to your own, or better. If they haven't progressed past living in Mom's basement and playing Warcraft, the first date should be their last.
2) What are their hobbies/interests? Do they have any? You're looking for someone who is well-rounded, and enjoys life to the fullest. Otherwise, they could be an albatross around your neck, preventing you from having a life.
3) Marital status. Have they been married, just broke up with their significant other, no obvious long-term relationships? This could be an indication that they have issues you don't need, or they could just be terribly unlucky. Use some common sense when deciding.
4) Do they ask you any questions, or just blither on about themselves? Conversation is a two-way street. If you can't get a word in edge-wise on the first date, you won't later on either.
5) Ask about goals and aspirations. Where do they see themselves in 5 years? Do their goals mirror your own? If you're hoping to find kids and a white picket fence someday, and they'd rather be climbing Mt.Everest, chances are it's not going to be a good match.
6) DO NOT ask about sex, unless that is the sole purpose of the date. If you're serious about dating someone and getting to know them, asking about preferred sexual positions, preferences, and inhibitions is a no-no. All of this information can be had much, much later. Get to know the whole package first and treat them with respect.
7). Relax. Don't view each date as a potential Mr or Mrs. Right. There is nothing more repungnant than the smell of desperation. Enjoy the company, be yourself, and have fun!
~Arlie
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Back in the day when I was single, I would never ask about past relationships, I don't want them to go on all night about their ex. I would also disagree about the job thing, sometimes a job is just a job and does not define the person, I should know, I've been bottom of the barrel but now I'm upper management, but I really agree with number 5, I think you should feel out the dreams and aspirations more than anything else. Good hub, and any help Chris can get is positive! He knows I kid.
Hi GoldenToad:
Before they have a chance to go on all night about their ex's, you can cut them off and switch topics. However, I still maintain it's a good idea to find out where they are and have been with relationships. There's nothing worse than thinking you're progressing and finding out the hard way that you're just a rebound. Also, listen to HOW they talk about ex's. If everything that went wrong is blamed on the other party and they accept none of the responsibility, it's a good indicator of immaturity and denial. Remember, what ever is said now will be said about you later.
As far as jobs, I'd still want to know if I'm dating someone who can contribute financially to the relationship, or if I'm going to be on the hook to pay everytime we go out cause they're unemployed, uneducated, or uninterested in bettering their lot in life. Been there, done that, got the T-Shirts. Not everyone is willing to change, no matter how encouraging and supportive you are. Some would rather surf the couch and let their better half foot the bill. These are usually the same people who complain all night about the ex that turfed them for being a low-life.
~Arlie
Oh no, I don't want to know where any woman's been, I want to imagine a fresh start, not a used model. Anyone who has ever been single has been damaged goods at some point, and I would rather accept that without asking, than to find out how actually damaged they are. Now I won't stop them if they want to talk about it a little but I always figure if that ex-person is still a subject than that's baggage you got to stay away from. I can see wanting to know about a person's job but I still don't think a job defines them or their character. Alot of people have had a hard life but they haven't given up and they make do with what they got, I know you're imagining some permanent slacker situation but I find most people in low jobs aren't bad people or slackers at all but they are people that have had to deal with alot in their past and maybe they aren't doing it in a traditional way but its the only way for them. I think for women to judge a guy by his job is wrong, the most successful guys I know are the biggest assholes while I work with plenty of low paid guys with big hearts who will break their back for a good woman.
Why get so serious on a first date? Can't you just first discover whether or not you even laugh at the same jokes before you give them the third degree? It's not like you are getting married!!!
Current value of their 401k plan? :-)
I agree with storytellersrus--keep the conversation proceed naturally, not like a job interview or CIA interrogation. If you just listen, you may be surprised what he or she may tell you. Innocuous questions about their family are okay--any brothers or sisters?; older or younger?; recently seen movies: books: travel and the like.
Umm, I was just answering a hub request. Also, these are ALL questions I've either been subjected to or should have asked to avoid problems down the road. I don't consider it the third degree. To get to know anyone, you have to ask them things. Some things are more enlightening than others.
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Cris A Level 2 Commenter 3 years ago
now i know what I always do wrong! LOL great hub and thanks for the tips :D